Portland author Rick Emerson definitely does not have hoarding issues. The Portland author stopped by to share four types of clutter to clear right now.
Hoarder Than It Looks: Four Types of Clutter You Should Get Rid of Now
1) Things You Somehow Acquired in Bulk
Let’s be clear about something: I am not a sommelier. (I don’t even really know what that word means. I assume it’s the guy who comes around and says, “would monsieur prefer white or red with his tater tots?”, but I’m not sure.)
One thing I do know: There’s a limit to how many corkscrews one man actually needs. I have five (count them, five) of these things, and I have no idea why. (Fun Fact: I don’t drink. At all.)
It’s possible that I’ve discovered some new form of alien life, and my drink-related cutlery is reproducing when I’m out weeding the garden or whatever, but that seems unlikely.
(And this isn’t an isolated incident. At one point, I discovered that I owned three separate ice-cream scoops.)
The best and/or worst part? All of this stuff was actually just sitting on my utensil shelf, which is mounted on the kitchen wall, meaning that I saw it, like, fifty times a day. And yet, I never noticed it until last week. That’s both weird and vaguely unnerving, especially when you consider that the state allows me to drive a car.
Take a moment, try to see your house as a place you’ve never been, and there’s no telling what will turn up.
2) Things You’re Never Actually Going to Fix
See if this sounds familiar: “No, no keep that. I’m going to fix it.”
This is a lie. This is always a lie. The only time this isn’t a lie is when your name is followed by the words “Depression-Era Grandfather”.
I have two fully-functional printers in my home office. They work. They work without any issue. And yet, I had this broken (as in, useless) printer sitting in my kitchen (right underneath the corkscrews, actually) for at least a year.
Why? Because the guy across the street was selling it for five dollars, and I somehow confused myself with Thomas Edison.
Here’s an even better example: A watch I’ve been keeping so I can “work on it”:
You don’t have to be a Swiss engineer to assess the odds that I will ever, ever do more than curse at this pile of metal shards.
I can’t speak for women, but I think that for a lot of men, this is the same instinct that leads us to keep a box of stale Mallomars or two cans of bacon-flavored kale (or whatever). The idea that someday, the stores will be gone, and my Mallomars and a broken printer will keep me alive. (Or that someone is bound to give me a soldering gun at some point, so I should keep as many broken appliances on hand as possible.)
Give yourself a deadline: If something is still here (and not repaired) within two weeks, it goes away. Somebody will want it, especially if you throw in the kale.
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